Writing distracted
AuADHD writing
What makes me so distracted from doing something I like doing?
I’ve seriously been thinking about going to my GP to ask for ADHD meds again, not because I want to be more ‘productive’ but because I feel so distracted All. The. Time.
I honestly feel bored - like the French say “I’m boring myself - Je m’ennui” , and I wonder how the hell I have ever managed to complete anything in my life.
Perhaps it’s not boredom though. I worried this week that I don’t engage my brain enough “ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE THINKING”, is what I was reminded frequently as a child and I’ve never forgotten it. This last week though, I have been off on a Zombie merry-go-round - I actually said I’d do something then my sister caught me, within the next breath, forgetting to do it.
Should I be worried?
Menopause or ADHD… maybe both? One exacerbates the other.
Sometimes I just feel like zoning out and not doing anything.
Waking myself up from forgetting my desires
To be in touch with ourselves deeply enough to know what makes us US, is, what I now realise, quite a rare thing. Ask yourself now, what do you desire?
To desire something is to think of something that isn’t already a reality for us… I don’t engage with my desires for very long because, I think, I don’t get them very often. Maybe it’s being out of practice because I don’t want much.
“What do I want?”
“I want what other people want, housing for everyone, welfare, justice, and a free Palestine…”
These are very big asks. And after moving home two months ago I realise I barely give myself my own desires because I don’t believe I’m going to get them, how can I fight for anyone else?
I want to have a dog. I found one on an adoption website, and this dog is perfect I cried. I really want the dog. I feel a little excited about it and trying not to get depressed if it doesn’t happen.
Desiring anything is desiring LIFE and possibilities, and getting in touch with this is key to NOT being distracted. Yes, I still have ADHD and am not coping all that well at the moment because I forget and lose track of what the fuck I am doing.
Please ask the universe to send me the right dog for me. I hope Frankie is the one for me!
Talk about your desires in the comments I’d love to hear from you.